
Connecting Emotions and Tone
Emotions can operate like a virus, traveling from person to person, creating a collage of feelings. When emotions are allowed to flow unabated, contagion can connect or disconnect members of teams. The contagion travels through multiple non-verbal signals, the one we are zooming in on is tone. Tone, according to the Cambridge Dictionary is a “quality in the voice that expresses the speaker’s feelings or thoughts, often toward the person being spoken to.
In other words, your tone of voice amounts to how you say what you have to say. When you can manage your emotions at work, you more than likely can effectively manage your tone. It is important to recognize that not only are your emotions communicated through tone, your personality also shines through it. Therefore, as a leader, your ability to master your tone directly affects the climate of your team on a daily basis.
Leadership and Tone
Leaders who master their tone of voice understand how they perceive and impact the people around them. They perceive challenges as temporary, and they feel empowered because they have a deep sense that no matter how a situation presents itself, it isn’t permanent. Helen Keller once said, “No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.” Therefore, on one side of the spectrum, your tone can create pessimism or distress and on the other side it can help the people around you to have a productive, uneventful day, where they can maintain their motivation.
Tone is important because as leaders, it is important to not only set the tone, but also to help maintain the collective tone because emotions can shift multiple times during the day based on internal and external factors.
As a leader, setting the tone for your team can be as obvious as coming to work, displaying an unapproachable mood or by always saying yes to employees’ requests. Sometimes leaders leave the mood up to team members to manage themselves, but if members of the team don’t have healthy relationships, trust, or perspectives needed to sustain a healthy climate, the mood of the team can trend toward being unhealthy.
Tones are Situational
They tend to show up in conjunction with emotion, or the lack of it. Tones range from happy, to sad, sarcastic, frustrated or cold. Within each of these tones there is a range of expression that changes in intensity. When leaders aim to develop a healthy culture they should model the types of relationships they wish members of the team to emulate. It is not enough to just model tones when relationships are impaired, leaders need to model how to build healthy relationships because in reality, all tones can be used in a healthy team environment.
Tips for Using Your Tone Effectively
Tones tend to be linked to emotion, or if someone is good at managing their tones, they are linked with desired outcomes. As with emotions, your tone or the tone of others can be used to provide insight into what is really going on. Especially when a person’s tone is different than usual. Tones can provide rich information about circumstances so you can make informed decisions.
For example, when you encounter a loud, agitated person, it is in your best interest to listen and attempt to understand what is really happening. If you try to explain, blame or reject anything that is being said in the heat of anger, the emotion will intensify instead of dissipate. You cannot hold a constructive conversation when emotion is raw so it is important to manage your tone and body language. Self-regulation opens the space for critical thinking to act as a resource. Otherwise, an unproductive conversation can emerge based on charged emotions.
Your tone of voice is a powerful tool of influence. An example of this is when you use your tone to de-escalate conflict. Used in this way, your tone can help you diffuse emotion displayed by angry clients or employees.
Tone does not only emanate through sound. It can be embedded in your writing, unspoken words, or your body language. It is important for your words and tone to be aligned. When disagreement, judgment, anger, and happiness are projected through your tone, they project more accuracy than your words. I encounter people who are aware that they wear their feelings on their sleeves and they are of the opinion that it just is what it is. In reality, emotional intelligence is an intelligence that can be improved with effort so it is possible to become more disciplined and aligned with your body language.
Tone can provoke a defensive response or it can be used to set the stage for peaceful, safe exchanges. Some people have used defensive or other provocative tones for so long that they don’t even realise when they are using them. Therefore, as you proceed through your day, you can make an effort to be self-aware as you manage your tones and if you are not sure about your tone, pay attention to whether people are reacting or responding to you. As a leader, you have the choice to build trust by holding the space for productive, respectful exchanges by mastering your use of tone.
With knowledge gained from almost 40 years of Fortune 500 and international consulting experience, Yvette shares her rich experience and proprietary model for changing businesses from the inside out. She is a thought leader in the areas of trust, leadership and organizational ecosystems, a multiple award-winning author and cultural consultant.
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